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Annnnnnnnnnd...
I'm back to thinking it sort of sucks.
GORRAMIT.
I mean, okay, yes, it's better. But "better" is relative. Better than the absolute suckitude that sucked at me before, fine. Better as in "actually good"... not so much.
*squints* I think it might need more dialogue. I feel like I'm still telling instead of showing. The last bit I added is GOLD. *snuggles poor not!Harry like whoa*
And I have discovered the wonder of Googledocs. What better way to get instant feedback? And it's via invitation only, so I have control over who sees it. NICE.
GORRAMIT.
I mean, okay, yes, it's better. But "better" is relative. Better than the absolute suckitude that sucked at me before, fine. Better as in "actually good"... not so much.
*squints* I think it might need more dialogue. I feel like I'm still telling instead of showing. The last bit I added is GOLD. *snuggles poor not!Harry like whoa*
And I have discovered the wonder of Googledocs. What better way to get instant feedback? And it's via invitation only, so I have control over who sees it. NICE.