agilebrit: (Tony Stark--Anteaters)
agilebrit ([personal profile] agilebrit) wrote2009-03-12 10:14 pm
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I CAN HAZ OPENING SCENE.

I can even haz opening scene that sucketh not.

*breathes*

*snuggles not!Harry*

Many many many thanks to the lovely and effulgent [livejournal.com profile] pensive1 and [livejournal.com profile] sunnyd_lite and [livejournal.com profile] bigsciencybrain for suggestions and handholding.

I still think I've lost a good chunk of his sarcasm, but at this point he's just trying not to break into bitty shards because he flat does not have the information these bozos are torturing him for. And even if he did have it, he wouldn't give it to them, because he's a stubborn little bastard, so there. *adds even MOAR* OH GOD BEN.

I am a vile human being. They allow me to be around small animals and children because...?
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[personal profile] pensive 2009-03-13 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
:D


p.s. HEY THAT KID IS A HOOKER.

[personal profile] pensive 2009-03-13 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
YOU BROUGHT SUSAN INTO THIS.

WHO'S MORE EVIL NOW

[identity profile] agilebrit.livejournal.com 2009-03-13 06:21 am (UTC)(link)
FANDOM HAS RUBBED OFF ON MY. THIS IS MY ONLY EXCUSE.

[identity profile] texanfan.livejournal.com 2009-03-13 01:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah! I'm so glad you're happy with your opening scene at last!

[identity profile] agilebrit.livejournal.com 2009-03-13 05:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm probably going to tweak it a little more today, but I think it's done with the wholesale changes. Swapping from third/past to first/present really helped pull out the major problem with it--once I did that, it was glaringly obvious.

It's also increased by about 500 words from the original opening scene. Yay?

[identity profile] texanfan.livejournal.com 2009-03-13 09:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, you wanted to up your word count. I told you it would happen naturally.

[identity profile] agilebrit.livejournal.com 2009-03-13 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)
It's nearly at 93,500 now. I have no idea where most of those words came from. Two big chunks, yes, but the rest? Out of thin air, man...

*squints* I wonder if this scene needs more dialogue. It's still smacking a little of telling rather than showing.
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